


Private Property

by Phantomlimb



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings, Derek Has Issues, F/F, F/M, M/M, Merman Stiles, assholes in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-09-10
Packaged: 2018-02-05 07:56:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1811026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantomlimb/pseuds/Phantomlimb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek just wanted to get away from it all. He didn't want to fall into the plot for the fucking little Mermaid</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Ocean Is My Drunk Tank

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, this is really funny to me

 

Kate Argent. She was the reason for the few flecks of gray hair that were in Derek’s hair. His uncle Peter and his sister Laura were the reason why the bottle of hooch he was drinking was absolutely necessary. Kate, however, she was the main reason for his drinking. The woman was not only after his family’s company, the Hale legacy, but she was also after _him._ She was an older woman who had aged like fine wine, she was rich and she was a _monster._

He took a swig from his bottle.

His family had died in a tragic house fire five years ago that had caught his sister and him in surprise. They’d been away at college at the time and because of that, they were among the only surviving members of the Hale family. The only other family member who survived the fire was their uncle Peter. Although his body survived, the man Derek had known his whole life had burned with the rest of his family. This _new_ Peter was a ruthless sociopath who made d _eals with Kate fucking Argent._

Derek took another swig from his bottle and rubbed his temples as he waited for Deaton’s boat. Out of curiosity, he checked his phone to see Laura had texted him.

_Stop being a baby about this; you know it’s a good idea_

Derek gripped the bridge of his nose in frustration. He thought about throwing his phone in the water.

“Mr. Hale?”

Turning off his phone, Derek looked up to see Deaton, the captain of the small boat that would transport him looking at him expectantly.

“Oh right, sorry, Dea, let me just grab my bag,” Derek rushed out as he snapped to action and grabbed his bag.

As soon as he was safely on the boat, Deaton pulled away from the dock and started driving them to the island.

“So what troubles you now, Derek?” Deaton asked as he continued to man the wheel.

“Family,” Derek grunted out as he looked out at the water.

“Isn’t it always?” Deaton asked as he chuckled.

He wasn’t wrong.

After about twenty minutes, they arrived to House Nematode, the private beach house that Derek had inherited from his mother. The house was his escape and it was located on a private island which thrilled Derek because he was all about being private. Derek had gone through great lengths to keep the house a secret. Not even Laura knew of its existence and it was only because his mother had made sure the family lawyer, Ms. Morell, gave Derek the deed to the house in private. Derek was a bit surprised that she’d given him the house. He was even more surprised at that fact that his mother even _had_ this secret beach house. It was weird. Ever since that day, whenever he needed to take a vacation the island was his first choice. It was wonderful because the only people who knew about the house besides him was Morell, Deaton, and the house keeper, a small British woman named Mrs. Hudson.

Derek got off the boat and slipped Deaton a hundred to which he responded with an appreciative nod. He steered the boat away and Derek breathed in the salty beach air, feeling at home. He picked up his bag and walked up to the house. House Nematode was an elaborate wood and glass paneled thing that was equipped with just the right amount of alcohol Derek needed to forget this day ever happened. He opened the door, letting the cool air wash over him before he walked in and set his bag down in the living room. He checked the fridge’s door to see Mrs. Hudson’s neat handwriting on a note telling him that she had already restocked everything and that she’d drop by in two days’ time. He smiled, glad that the old woman was always fussing over him. He crumbled the note and threw it away.

The study looked like it always did, prestigious and glamorous. Too bad Derek only used it for one thing and one thing only. He found the whiskey easily. He poured himself two glasses and downed them. He could already feel himself floating away and forgetting his worries which was exactly the feeling he was going for. God bless House Nematode. He took off his shirt and pants and clad only in his black boxer briefs, he walked off to the beach to soak his feet. He loved the fact that this was a private bea-

“ _Hey!_ Hey you! This is private property!” Derek yelled to the person sitting in the shallow waters.

As he got closer, he saw it was a boy in his late teen with a serious case of bed head.

Teenagers these days.

“You-you can’t be here. This is private property,” Derek panted out as the heat from the sun got to him.

“ _Oh?_ So now you own t _he ocean?”_ The kid asked with a raised brow and a smirk.

Derek grit his teeth and got a better look at the kid ~~so he knew how to tell him apart in the lineup he was no doubt going to be a part of~~. He was pale and gangly and his body was covered in freckles and moles. But his most noticeable feature was his lips. Derek stared at them despite knowing damn well that was a bad idea. The kid seemed to notice and smiled invitingly at him.

Derek cleared his throat and said “The sun’s free, ya know,” as he gestured to the boy’s pale complexion.

The boy’s face soured.

“Well I’m not leaving, private property or not,” the boy said simply before dipping his head back.

“If you don’t leave then I’m afraid I’ll have to call the authorities,” Derek said as he glared at the intruder.

The guy just gave him a cocky grin and said “Call the authorities? Wow, aren’t you a real man.”

“What the hell do you mean by that?” Derek asked with a snarl, not liking the boy’s tone.

Not liking the boy’s anything.

“It mean,” the stranger said as he leaned closer to the shore, giving Derek an extensive view of his collarbone, “that a r _eal man_ would have gotten rid of me _himself_ than rely on others to do the job _for him.”_

 _“Oh?”_ Derek said menacingly as he inched closer to the boy.

“Catch me if you can, w _eakling_ ,” the boy said before he disappeared under the water.

Derek dove after him, not once thinking about the consequences of this action. The water stung his eyes but he soon got use to it. He looked around and couldn’t find the kid. He was almost about to chalk the whole thing up to a hallucination when someone pinched his ass and laughed. He looked behind him but couldn’t find the guy, hard as he tried. He surfaced the water and took a breath. As he scanned the area, he realized he was farther away from the short than he had previously been.

“On your left, soldier,” Derek heard in his ear.

He turned and found no one. He had had it and he was too buzzed to properly focus on how this was happening but even in his drunken state he knew this kid was being impossible.

“I can’t-I’m-I’m too drunk for this,” Derek said as he swam to shore and sat on the sand.

“I figured as much since there’s an empty bottle near us,” the boy said, popping his head up from under the water.

Derek looked to where he meant.

“Oh that was from last time.”

“Wow. Gods, you’re slow when you’re intoxicated,” said the boy as he sat in the water near the shore.

“I wouldn’t say tha- ** _GOT YOU!”_** Derek yelled as he hoisted the boy over his shoulder.

And then he was promptly slapped in the face.

With a _tail._

“ _What the fuck_ ,” Derek said as he recovered from the severe whiplash.

“Damn you to Tartarus! You didn’t even drop me into the water! How am I going home now?!” The Mermai-M _erboy_ screeched at Derek as his tail flopped.

“ _You’re blaming me for dropping you?_ You’re the one that slapped me with a god damn tail!” Derek yelled back.

“Just put me back in the water, you imbecile!” The Merman said as he proceeded to try to swat at Derek’s feet with his tail.

“You know what? _No._ Take it up with SeaWorld, Willy,” Derek snarled as he proceeded to leave the Merman.

The Merman however had other plans.

“Let go off me!”

“Put me back in the water!”

“Put yourself back in the water!”

“I would if I could! You did this to me!”

“You did this to yourself!”

“You’re a-“ Was all the Merman said before he started coughing up something  metallic blue.

“What-what is that?” Derek asked, alarmed.

“Blood-there’s-there’s sand in my gi-“ He said before coughing up _more blood._

“Shit, what do I do?” Derek asked, sobering up.

“Take me to where you live,” the Merman said just before he passed lout.

“G _reat,_ ” Derek said as he hoisted the Merman over his shoulder and carried him to his house and then all the way to his bathroom’s tub.

Fucking Mermaids.


	2. Salt Me, Salt Me, I'm All In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I took so long but school

 

He filled the tub up with as much water as possible while simultaneously trying to wake the merman up. He even slapped the guy’s face and he still didn’t wake. Derek was no doctor but he was pretty sure that that should’ve worked. He stuffed the merman into the tub which was big enough for a basketball player, forever thankful he had kept the monstrosity because it was actually useful. Not that this was the situation he thought the tub would help him in. 

The merman remained unconscious and this did not bode well for Derek, especially when he splashed water on his face; Derek panicked.

_Oh God, he’s use to the ocean and this isn’t salt water!_

Grabbing beach water would’ve taken too much time and Derek felt like he was running out of time so he tried to make best with what he had on hand. He ran to the kitchen and grabbed the big salt canister in the cupboard. Of course, this wasn’t exactly the thing to do but like previously said Derek _panicked._

The merman woke up to find Derek pouring salt into the tub like this was an episode of Supernatural.

“What- _what are you doing_?” The merman croaked, his voice feeling raw with exhaustion.

“ _You live in the sea, the sea is made up of salt water, I’m salting the water!”_ Derek babbled.

“Are you _seasoning me?!_ Are you planning on eating me in all of _my salty goodness because_ I’d hate to disappoint you but _I’m all skin and fins,”_ the merman laughed before coughing violently.

Derek immediately tried to pat his back but the merman held his hand out to stop him as he was fine. He sat up when he was done hacking up seaweed and at this angle he got a better look at the human known as _Derek._ He was a handsome fellow, even with a beard growing in. He was obviously strong for carrying a _Merman._ It was admirable.

“What happened back there?” Derek asked.

The merman was actually very attractive, more than Derek had thought before and that was saying something. His eyes were a brilliant amber color and god his lips were just as-

_What if Mermaids can hear thoughts?!_

Derek put a fucking lid on those thoughts and proceeded to think about how much he wanted to throttle Laura and Peter. The merman gave him a curious look and for some reason, it sealed the deal for Derek.

“My kind has gills that are similar to those of a fish. Some of them are located in my tail and when you **_dropped_** _me in the sand_ , I got sand in them,” the merman said, glaring at Derek.

“You slapped me in the face with _your tail!_ ”

“You deserved it!”

“I just saved your life!”

“After you _endangered it_ ,” the merman spit out.

Derek took back all his thoughts on how the merman was attractive and instead focused on what an _asshole_ this merman was.

“So what now, Ariel?” Derek gritted out.

“That’s not my name,” the merman said, annoyed.

“Oh really? I was just assuming,” Derek said dryly.

The merman scoffed and then purposely splashed water onto Derek.

“Hey- _stop that!_ ”

The merman gave one last splash and then heeded Derek’s words. Derek dried himself on the nearest towel and sat down next to the tub.

“So what _is_ your name?”

The merman snorted and said “Like I’d ever give it up so easily for you, human.”

Derek glared at the merman and said “I’m serious, Mermaid, what’s your name?”

“Merman.”

“That’s your name?”

“No, I’m merely correcting you,” the merman snarked.

Derek groaned in frustration.

“Ugh, how long is it going to take before I get to toss you back into the ocean?” Derek asked as he let his eyes wander down to the merman’s tail.

“I injured my gills rather badly and I was already weary before that. It may take me till the next full moon,” the merman said, stretching his tail out to get comfortable.

“That’s a month!”

“Your point?” the merman asked.

Derek reminded himself he couldn’t drown him, much less throttle him.

“My point is you don’t know me and I don’t know you. You’re taking advantage of a stranger. Besides, you don’t know my schedule! I have things to do!”

The merman looked at him smugly and said “No you don’t.”

“Um, yes, I do,” Derek said with a straight face.

The merman looked at him with a raised brow and said “We creatures of the sea can read simple minds such as yours, human. You’re a liar, _Derek Hale.”_

“Get out of my head or it’ll be merman on the Barbie, not shrimp,” Derek snarled.

“I’d like to see you t _ry,_ ” the merman said, leaning up, ready for attack.

 

Derek left before they could have a repeat of what got them into this situation to begin with. He even went as far as to be a complete adult and slammed the bathroom door behind him, making sure it was loud enough to wake the dead.

 

The merman lay in the tub and looked at the ceiling, sighing.


End file.
